But I’m learning there are people out there who need to know they’re not the only one that isn't as strong as they’d like to be.
You see, the fact is this, it doesn’t make me any stronger if I don't share my pain and weakness with y’all... And since my heart is to be a hope giver I'm going to do this even though it's very hard for me.
I know that there are so many people that are going through things behind the scenes....
I promise you, you’re not the only one.
Listen y’all, a lot of my friends didn't even know I was sick for several years simply because I hate sympathy and more then anything I wanted to be strong and I didn't want anyone to ever see me as weak or "the sick one".
I've been trying to write this post for a few days (and I've thought about it for months) because it's really hard for me to write about this but I've known for a long time that God gave me my story to encourage others...
But it's still super hard to write about. (I cry every time I read the book When Life Hands You Lymes that my sister, Lydia is writing.)
Last night Pastor Josh put on his Twitter:
"When you break the silence of your story it will tie you to someone in your world that wanted to quit before they heard what you had to say."
So I'm here to say, keep going, you're going to get through this.
Listen to me, no matter how dark it is right now... The sun always comes out after a storm.
I know that some storms can be so super stinkin' long, but listen to me, the sun WILL come out. I believe in you and know you can get through this.
Remember this, Where there's life, there's hope.
But by July I was feeling so sick that I had to go another doctor only to find out that my Lyme was indeed back and that I had to go back on all kinds of medicines that I had thought were out of my life forever.
August, September, October, November and the beginning of December were the worst months I'd had in a long time. Many, many days I was too weak to get out of bed until around 2:00 or so in the afternoon...
So many times I would go downstairs and then was too weak to walk up to my room so I would sit on the floor and pull myself up the steps, sometimes I couldn't even do that so I'd just sleep on the couch.
I'm still not as strong or energized as I will be soon:) but these last almost 7 weeks have been the best of my life! I never ever remember feeling this good. I'm learning what well feels like, and may I just say, WELL FEELS AMAZING!!!
So, I’m about to share something with y’all that I wrote back at the beginning of December of 2014 (two months ago). Looking back and seeing how horrible I was feeling compared to now is just incredible to me and gives me hope everyday to keep going. Where there's life, there's hope.
"Exhaustion.
Why is it such a familiar word to me? I know it all too well for only being 17.
Unless someone has truly experienced extreme exhaustion, there's no way to fully understand how it feels.
My brain feels bruised and every sound I hear or every word someone speaks seems like a million minutes long.
Someone excitedly talks about what they see outside. I want to see it so I try to open my eyes but nothing happens. My eyelids are heavy as bricks. My eyes ache and are sore.
I want so much for the noise to stop. But I can't say anything because I'm too weak to open my mouth.
The best way to escape all this noise is to leave the room.
Why haven't I thought of this before?
But as I go to stand up, I can't remember how to move my legs. MOVE LEGS! I want yell, but people think I'm stronger than that so I just sit back and act like I never wanted to get up in the first place."
